I've been thinking about this for a while now; I've read a few other blogs as well and comments on our local Off Leash Dog Park facebook pages. Beyond the opinions that I formerly held, something I've noticed is that most of the time it's about what the dogs are doing to each other, and why whatever the other owner did was wrong.
As a Professional Dog Walker and Dog Training Instructor I know something about both people and dogs. As an instructor I know that if I can't reach the people, then I won't be reaching the dog, and they might not get what they need. As a walker, if I can't get through to the dogs that I walk and tell them what I want them to do then my life will be a lot harder.
So the problem is this as far as I can see. Everyone is probably right, and everyone is probably wrong. How does that work? Everyone has their own ideas about what is acceptable for their dog, and other dogs and the interactions that dogs have. Wherever they got these opinions doesn't really matter, they have the ideas in their head. One thing that happens a lot in Off Leash areas is that dogs get into things that might be a little to much for them, and their people react.
It's in the reactions that we express our emotions and our ideas about what is appropriate. I've seen to many professional walkers screaming at people in the park instead of just walking away. I've seen regular people screaming at other people too, instead of walking away. Everything you feel goes straight down the end of the leash and the dogs feel it too (even if they aren't on a leash).
Let me give a (rather outrageous) example. Little Fluffy the Chihuahua has Brutus the Bull Mastiff on the ground and by the neck. Fluffy is in full shake mode, and Brutus is still, and looking more than terrified. Everyone laughs, then Brutus turns on Fluffy... then everyone thinks that Brutus is an evil dog and shouldn't be in the park. As I said, rather outrageous, but similar things happen with all sizes of dogs. Now, Fluffy's parent is outraged, Brutus' parent is shocked and terrified; words are exchanged and near fist fights nearly break out. "Fluffy was attacking him! Brutus was just defending himself!" "Brutus is a brute and should be expelled from the park!" etc. This isn't the first time that Fluffy has attacked someone like this, but it's the first time Brutus has reacted like this. I'm assuming in this scenario Brutus had a really good bite inhibition with Fluffy and Fluffy was fine except for a bruised ego, and hopefully a better respect at not being a bully.
Who's right? Both people; they both think that their dog was doing the right thing. Who's wrong? Both of them; they don't see the things that their dogs could have been different; or perhaps more importantly, what they could have done to keep their dog from getting into that situation in the first place. Fluffy has had problems in the past like this but it's never really been noticed? That isn't Fluffy's problem, it's a perception and handler problem. Brutus protects himself when someone is being a jerk? Then maybe his parent should have asked Fluffy's parent to get off. Maybe they did, and they were met with a laugh.
How do we deal with this? If someone isn't willing to act for their dog to keep their dog safe, do we have a right to touch their dog? If it was a person, we'd say no; technically that could be considered assault. But if you're dog is in trouble, or about to be, then gently pulling them, or another dog out of the situation might be warranted. There comes risk in this and I would be very cautious. In the middle of a tense situation, you risk your hand (or fingers) by pulling dogs apart at the head or collar. A loud sudden noise might stop the activity long enough to get one or more dogs out of the situation with some other method. Pulling them apart always risks the redirection of aggression ("I can't bite the dog in front of me, but I'm still mad, so... sorry, you're here, he isn't! [CHOMP]"). Not the dogs fault, but it's something we have to be wary of.
So is there any way to correct this difference in etiquette perception? I would say no, not really. Everyone has different ideas on how their dog should act. With my group dogs, I don't mind if they hump one another (they've "worked it out" - literally and with careful supervision) but I don't generally let them hump other dogs; even if the other dogs owners say they don't mind. I watch for the reactions of people and how they're looking at their dogs (if they're looking!); it's easier to tell frowns and scowls from smiles (which could be happy or nervous or polite indignation). I watch the dogs and their reactions. A tucked tail on a chased dog generally means someone isn't having as much fun as they might look like they're having.
Everything about dogs is complex. Everything about people is complex. Mix them together and things get even more complex. You know your dog (I hope); you know their reactions. Hopefully the other people know their dog as well. You have ideas, they have ideas. Maybe they're the same as yours, maybe not. Ask; Question; Query; find out what they think; what is acceptable and what isn't. In order to make sure our dogs are behaving well, we have to learn how to be calm, understanding and listen to other people. If that doesn't work and you feel that you are not being heard, walk away. Sooner or later, people have a tendency of realizing that maybe their dog isn't acting appropriately for the other dogs; but leaving them thinking that people are just jerks in your dog park won't do anyone any good.
